A midnight breakdown

Rarely does anything bother me enough that I find myself writing at 0116 in the morning. There was a time that staying up this late was normal and there still are occasions where I stay up late meet a deadline. But, recently I read, heard, and felt a struggle from a friend I don’t talk to enough and haven’t seen in several years. My analytical mind kicked in at 0116 enough to get me out of bed in my underwear and come down stairs and begin typing.

A few days ago a friend from a past lifetime voiced a question. It was just a question, could have been rhetorical, but my no fear and honest attitude I responded. Something happened, my friend responded and something happened to me. I have a lot of friends but few close friends, but there was a time that I had many close friends, not that I don’t now, but friends I could count on, friends that checked in, friends that knew my name, where to find me, my goals and aspirations, my nightmares, and could make me laugh.

I understand people move on, it is inevitable, people change jobs, have families, aspire to new educational heights, and get new friends. But, were your old friends really that bad that you had to get new ones, not by choice, just by circumstance?
I spoke to one of my favorite people of my entire career today. Do we speak often, no not really, this friend has a new exciting life somewhere else and who am I to barge in? My call was unwarranted and unplanned, we went through the pleasantries, discussed my schooling, my bad attitude which is always apparent to my friends and seems to define me, and then we got to the reason for my call and really the reason for this long winded assessment. I was looking for a mutual friend’s number; I had the number somewhere, I think, but didn’t want to go pull my office apart looking for it, when it may not work anyway. Instead I chose to call the friends that shared the friendship of the friend’s information I was seeking. They were my friends too and they don’t call so I would. I talked to three different machines, people are busy, but I did talk to one friend. The reply from my friend was that they had not talked to the friend I was seeking for years. I was really saddened by this, am I one of those friends that don’t speak, doesn’t call, doesn’t e-mail? I hope not.

I often think the best and worst times of my life were confined to a 12 bed unit in Salt Lake City, for 4 years with five to six of the best people I have ever known, on the nights I worked. I miss those people, don’t get me wrong, as many of those people that will read this know, there were a few idiots that I worked with that made the ride a little more rocky, but one of those idiots could have very well been me. But, those people made the ride a little more fun when you could poke fun of a few co-workers that just didn’t have it together. But, I wanted to share a few of those people that made me laugh, I made them laugh, I got really pissed at and we bonded over poo bags, sex talks at 0400, relationship issues, code blues, practical jokes, and eating donuts off of the most dirtiest counters I have yet to again work on.

Here we go… I had a knack for being in the worst mood possible when at work, I kind of thrived on it in a sick sort of way, and still am a little unsure of why I was like that. But, I remember Krahn and Darling wrestling with the train of four, and watching Krahn’s eyes pulsate out of his head, Todd chewing gum talking to an old man, while calmly peeling the gel patches and placing them on this guy’s chest and then zapping him out of v-tach without even blinking an eye. That guy was pissed, but still alive. I remember hosing Todd with a pressure bag while he was talking to family on the phone and him whining to me like a kid because it was unprofessional. I remember Michelle teaching Tracie how different nationalities had different sizes of penises and Latin Americans were the smallest. Krahn playing a really bad joke on Natalie about her car being stolen, Krahn scaring Darling about some patient’s fake abnormal vaginal lab values and Markowitz picking up on it. I remember Cody wearing his pants backwards as if he needed another pocket and every conversation was turned to what Cody wanted to talk about. I remember Katy and McKenzie rolling on the floor because I told a complaining patient they couldn’t have any food because they had pills for dinner. I remember McKenzie’s first sick travel and telling her to memorize the code blue number if she needed us and seeing the fear in her eyes, and later becoming a great nurse with no fear. I remember Katy almost decking for telling her to get her shit together after sticking herself with a dirty needle after getting in a difficult IV on a confused patient. I remember Nelson being more ticklish than most of the girls and I loved to punch him just to hear him squeal. I remember Ed giving us the, “I don’t think you guys should do that,” when we pumped in two 16 gauges and a 14 gauge in some drunk with great veins and his Dorky flashlight. I remember how dashing and charming Dr. Simpson was with his accent to all the girls. I remember Tracie with shit on her teeth and Jake placing poo bags and doing push-ups in the hall. I remember Jill and her undying enthusiasm to do everyone’s work with a smile, and deal with all my questions, half of which I didn’t know the answer to, but knew she would find out for the both of us. I remember going to the bar with girls and having them all drink beer and me with my umbrella drink. I remember loving to annoy Lisa until she would say !@#$ you Monte and then I knew I needed to go bother someone else. I remember being scared to death of Randall because of his size, and finding out he is one of the nicest guys in the world. Randall's stories about stealing potatoes in Germany with the refugees. I remember the red embarrassed face of April Gunderson before she got used to the outlandish behavior of the group, Lisa Gro’s and I’s A-K-A-S-H-A (Akusha), when really it was Akasha was exactly how it sounds, and FUNNY Monte. I remember tormenting the animal lovers with my kill all animal stories of my youth. I remember Tari always smiling, and always making a joke, smoking cigarettes with Michelle and Lisa on bad nights. I remember Terri, her dogs and always having bigger guns than most of the guys, and Jake and her comparing. I remember Erika being trained by Pam, what the hell was that, talk about the blind leading the blind. There are many more of you that I haven’t named, like Angelica, Jeanette, Janice, Colonel or captain, or whatever Jake called Carolyn Mayfield, Brady, Micah, that girl that moved to California that lived in emigration canyon that never showered. Sarah would always ask me the creatnine level of all my patients in report and until nearly I got fired, I never knew what it meant, Tiffany, Melissa, Pearl, Angie and lasering off all her hair for her future husband, Liz, not ever knowing exactly what she was saying, Bryant’s self damning “Man Hands,” comment. If there are people I missed, I didn’t realize when I started writing this how many good friends I really had, although I don’t talk to all of you, most of you I think about all the time, and would like to talk to more of you on a more regular occasion. And, now that it is 0230, I am kind of burnt out of my original soap box, there are too many friends to remember, but I can remember all of you, if I wasn’t falling asleep typing and haven’t lost the umph of the my original issue. I know we are busy, but pick up the phone, or e-mail, or something. We are way too good of friends to not talk to each other anymore.